Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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