I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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