similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
