Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
