I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
