No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
