Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
