so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize