i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
