Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
