I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
