Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
