I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
