I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
