we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
