I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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