he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
