yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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