I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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