there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
