I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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