At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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