The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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