Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
