I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize