Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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