i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
