It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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