fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
