This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
