I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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