i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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