"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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