I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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