I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
