i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
