And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
