My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
