Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
