i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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