I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
