Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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