If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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