and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
