I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize