Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have fence marks all over my body
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
