Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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