the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
did i walk over a car last night?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
