Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
