I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
