apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
