Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
