You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
