There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
