Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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