I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
