oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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