Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Too much gin, very little bucket
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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