5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
