Rock
Scissors
Fuck
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize