If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
