How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
