I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
