So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
