glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
