Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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