In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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