i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
