Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
