Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
