Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
