Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
