Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
