Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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