hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
