So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
