So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
