She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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