Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
