Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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