There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
