Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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