I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
