I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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