I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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