can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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