My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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