omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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