I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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