ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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