absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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