They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
